JB- hey
J- yo
JB- briefly remind me that a mustache would look terrible on me
J- a moustache would most likely look terrible
on you
JB- thank you
U-
I just had [redacted] knock on my door asking for people who know me and say I’m a good guy (Generally looking for parents in the area). Can I put down your guys’ parents/addresses?
J- Sure!
[redacted]
However, this is also a great opportunity to take advantage of my *premium* services as a PROFESSIONAL CHARACTER WITNESS. This limited time offer gives you access to my full range of products offered, including
-stories about how you saved babies/shelter puppies from burning buildings
-heartfelt anecdotes from our youth
-not mentioning all those illegal things that you did
Call within the next 5 minutes and you can get in on this INCREDIBLE OFFER for only 12 easy payments of $9.95 (plus shipping and handling. Federal, state, and municipal taxes are not included. Some restrictions may apply. Product is not available in Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands or Guam.)
J- all ARs accept alliteration as awesome
but bothered brothers begin bashing boring bookmarklets
can cooperation coalesce collective curmudgeoning?
AR- hahaha
don’t dissuade dingbat dissent!
even evasive enterprises eventually end!
funderwhelming factions fight fraud
J- god, good gentlemen gentrify gaping galleries
hating hedonism, he hastily hacks his home’s honor
i’m impressed inside
AR- joking, J jests
J- knowing kids, killing kindness
AR- lamentably, let’s leap left
J- my misses, masterfully maneuvering management
AR- no, nonetheless naysayers never not naysaying
J- offices opine our otiosity
AR- pointless pandering places poor Peteple
J- quick question: Queensboro quiet?
AR- rattling relentlessly
J- surely someone shushes?
AR- tirelessly treading tranquilly they talk
urgently, under useless umbrellas
J- verily, viewing violent virtuosos vacates
AR- why won’t we wobble wealthily?
J- you ‘Yorkers yap yesterday’s yore yonder your years!
AR- zealous, zip zap zuzz
J- I disagree with your friend.
AR- He’s not my friend.
He’s… a dick.
J- I disagree with your dick then.
JO- I mean, vegetables are nice to look at, but they’re not food. They’re like, garnish.
BS- So you just constantly eat meat?
JO- It’s not that I like eating meat. In fact, when I eat meat, I’m eating animals that eat vegetables, so it’s like I’m avenging the vegetables.
J- I guess you have to eat BS [vegan] then.
BS- You want to eat me JO?
JO- …
(earlier)
JO- Whoever makes the best innuendo wins.
J- I had this thought the other day, isn’t it kind of ironic that the word “adjective” is a noun?
JS- What?
J- You know… like… I feel like we should be calling words “adjective-y” when they describe things, instead of saying that the words are adjectives…
JS- …How is that ironic?
J- uhm… because… you might think that it’s actually an adjective and not a noun.
JS- …
Ok.
CG- hahahahha i thiink hashtags are so funny
#victory
#humor
J- #getatwitter
J- how bad was it
SW- Omg I had a panic attack and had to go upstairs.
I had to splash cold water on my face and grow a pair of huge hairy balls before returning to.. it
There were not piles, but MOUNTAINS of dead bugs
Nothing was without cobwebs
omg
it was
awful
just terrible
JO- Why are you shivering randomly like that?
J- Seriously man?…
you’re like the king of random movements.
JO- I know, that’s why I’m upset.
You’re encroaching on my territory.
AR- yoO
what is MNF?
many nasty farts
J- wow how did you guess
AR- haha I have a knack I guess
gnack?
knack?
J- knack.
AR- hahah right.
wait I was going to keep typing other permutations until you replied
J- oh I do apologize
please continue
AR- hmm I’m thinking of good ones
may never frack
moms nebulous fraud
my negligent fern
mysteriously nuptial fish
J- hmmmm very creative!
AR- haha thenks
J- misanthropic nonplussed fibulators?
AR- hahaha that’s it.
myriad-of nyan-cat fuzz
no… that’s it.
J- yes.
or,